Advocates of homeschooling use the lack of socialization of some children in public schools as a reason why homeschooling is best for their children. But, are all bullies only relegated to public schools? You only have to poll persons who attended private schools, boarding schools or even the homeschooling associations, who could challenge that statement. Bullies come from all walks of life, races, social background. Bullies educational background can range from college/university educated to barely literate.
We all know how bullying looks like when we were children, the pushing, name calling. Can we recognize the appearance of an adult bully? They are a sad lot indeed. The adult bully may be outright domineering and aggressive or passive aggressive. Passive aggressive behavior in giving backwards compliments, deliberate procrastination, having to have the last word. A bully will instinctively aim for the person who already has a victim mentality. If this describes you, become more assertive in the face of the bully. Some other traits of a bully in trying to control you, may do this by ignoring you? They want you to emotionally hurt you, because we all want to belong to a group.
Along with ignoring you, adult bullies try to break you down. They do it similar to child bullies, they whisper, gossip about you.
Seeing you react or overreact to the lies they tell about you, is what adult bullies thrive on. Don’t give them your power.
Another way an adult bully can show their disrespect to you is by not showing up late to an agreed to event or not at all. They do this because they disregard you feelings , the effort you underwent for the occasion.
I’m sure you may be reflecting on these different scenarios. If so, it could also cause you to reflect on feelings you carried from childhood . You may yield to those who bark louder, so to speak. But, there are times when you need to stand your ground. These are the times to be daring and stand up to others.
You may feel like you are an easygoing person. There’s nothing wrong with that. If you are a person who would defer to others because you don’t want to make waves, this can be okay, in the right circumstances. But, if you do this all the time, you eventually will get trampled on with more important issues.
You do need to pick your battles. If you become the stronger person in your group, you run the risk of becoming bully-like yourself. In fact, this is something that can happen when people stand up to others for the first time. They take on the strong-willed persona and become that person they used to fear. The key is to be strong when it’s important and let the little stuff go by.
Also, let others have some wins. This shows strength and leadership. You will win people to your way of thinking as they won’t feel threatened by your presence. When you show your willingness to cede to them, you can develop a great working relationship going forward.
When you do take a stand, make sure that you do it respectfully. If you don’t, you risk losing respect from everyone around and not just the person you are going up against. Whenever possible, try to find an arrangement where both you and the other party wins. The person will see that they can’t take advantage of you, while at the same time, they don’t lose out in the interaction.
Not everyone will take your newfound strength well. That’s okay. As long as you do everything you can to try and work with them, you will be the bigger person. He or she may have issues with you, but at least they know you.